It's been four years since I last wrote, or even visited, this blog, and that I'm back isn't a good thing. In the past, I've come to this place only to express myself when there's too much flooding my mind, and I need to drain my thoughts somewhere. And so it is, again.
Anyway, a quick charting of the gap:
1.The whole bus driver thing didn't happen; I couldn't get over the classist, elitist thing (hypocrite). Instead, I took work at various minimum-wage service establishments for the succeeding year while living at home (ironic, I know). Until--
2. I was accepted into a graduate urban planning program at a university in Cleveland which was supposedly the 2nd best program of that type in the nation. However, due to a variety of factors, some legitimate (the program felt as though it was centered on fixing Cleveland, not studying urban planning, from what I could tell in my short time enrolled in it; also, Cleveland sucks) and some not (the usual me-ness of not feeling absolutely interested and therefore entirely divesting myself of what could maybe've been something truly worthwhile), I didn't really even complete the first semester, and dropped out of the second. Fortunately, I was presented with a more interesting opportunity soon after that decision had been made--
3. I worked as an au pair in Beijing starting June 2014, leaving naught but a happily-small period of returning from Cleveland to live at home. While I enjoyed the experience as a whole, and met a lot of wonderful people from quite literally every continent during my time there, I was also subject to a modicum of physical abuse by my host family, and so I ended my time in China after enduring 3 short months of what was supposed to be a year-long stay. Although the au pair agency offered to find me a teaching job, I was able to find work that paid as well, while living in a much more comfortable environment: at home in Manchester, NH. Surprise. Anyway--
4. A friend notified me of a position open in the local hospital's housekeeping department, which I took with gratification, for two reasons. The first was that it was humble, and no apologies were necessary for it because they were all implied. The second was that it felt like truly necessary work: even if it was about as unglamorous, menial, and low-paying (though better than minimum wage) as could be, it did have to be done by someone. My narcissistic ramblings here aside, I'm not one with huge ego needs, so that it was necessary was enough to make it satisfactory. It also showed me that that is what mattered in my occupation in life--I wanted to feel as though no matter what else was going on, the job that I did was genuinely important. Not that it was important that I was the one doing the work, but that it did need to be done by someone. That realization, in combination with the entire surroundings of my workplace--a hospital--helped me see that I want to become a nurse. A nurse, and not a doctor, because c'mon, it's me.
So, newly found and strongly-founded purpose having been arrived at, I've been busy taking nursing-related classes at a local community college, and will be taking a licensing exam tomorrow to be a nurse's aid. So at least that mess of what-the-fuck-am-I-going-to-be-okay-with-doing-with-my-life is settled. Back to the other messes.
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