I hate nihilism.
As a materialistic utilitarian, collectivist, and humanist, I want to believe that simple progress, however defined, is the goal of human existence. And certainly, I don't think any non-Luddites would disagree that the world is a better place in which to live now than ever before.
As a materialist, I see people living longer, happier, more productive and prosperous lives around the globe than many could likely have ever imagined. The continuous march of ever-improving technology allows this to be possible (although I'm beginning to wonder if things will continue to progress the way they have in the past). As a utilitarian, I'm satisfied that the capitalistic, individual attempts at improving one's life has led to the improvement of the condition of humanity as a collective. And as a humanist, I find it hard to argue with the ever-increasing focus on human rights around the world afforded by development.
But all of this goes on in ways that I find difficult to appreciate as an individual, ironically enough. Perhaps it's just that my life is too comfortable, and I lack the will to "improve" my condition on my own because, well, life's okay. (Sidenote: A theoretical example of this on a broader scale is historian Mark Elvin's high level equilibrium trap.) But as I see the world move on without any real effort on my part it just leaves me wondering (and I know I'm not alone on this by any measure), "why am I here"? This conundrum is perhaps reflected in my choice of education. As I mentioned before, I'm a philosophy major in college. I chose this mostly because I couldn't think of anything else I particularly cared to do, other than thinking of course, which doesn't pay the bills all too well. But even then, I find thinking somehow...difficult.
Not to say that I have trouble saying things (clearly....), but I always feel like I'm thinking in circles. Someone who grows up in a technologically and economically advanced, capitalist society is always told to think of goals to set for oneself, and to have desires or hopes accessory to those goals. Again, as a materialist, I and many others tend to gravitate towards material possessions. But most people would agree that few are happy simply to have the nicest car, the best house, etc. These are all well and good, but really, what's the point? Ultimately, we are told to set non-material goals in addition to what we'd like to "have". This requires that you have a passion or a drive for something. And what do you do if you don't have that? What if your difficulty in thinking is figuring out what matters to you?
Perhaps I'm simply too early on in my life to know what mine is (although I think if I had to choose something, it would be turning East/Southeast Asia into the next EU), but what are you supposed to do? This rush towards progress brought about by development is such that most people in developed nations around the world attend college in their late teens-early twenties, essentially being told to decide what to do the rest of their lives then and there. If someone chooses not to go this route, they're often left working minimum wage jobs that leave them no time to think about what they'd actually like to do. Instead, others such as myself choose to enter college with no real aim, and find themself valuing nothing in particular. You come out the other end with a big "uh...what?" plastered across your forehead, and sort of wander around career-wise until you find something satisfactory, but perhaps still unfulfilling.
Again, maybe it's just my age, but it really makes you want to say that stupid, corny phrase, "Stop the world, I'm gettin' off".
And that pisses me off.
